Tuesday, September 13, 2011
What once was old is new again!
I imported all the posts from my old blog, "Blissful Mama's Kitchen" into my new blog! So it's now all easily accessible in one spot!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Resistance is futile
I learned about Karen Maezen Miller's "Art of Mindfulness" workshop a few months ago, and immediately got excited about the opportunity to attend a workshop with her. It was in Houston and it was only a day long. I looked up flights on Southwest, and they were about $90 round trip! Then I became a Facebook fan of Maezen's, and saw that she had a discount code to save $20 on the retreat. It was certainly in the budget and would not take much time away from A.J. All the odds were stacked in my favor. So, I went to register one night after A.J. was tucked in bed. But I couldn't hit the submit button. I couldn't commit. I tried it again the next night, and the next, and still couldn't commit. Was it fear? My general inability to make decisions of late?
By this time, the early bird registration had run out. I tried another night. But nothing. My head would swim with all the "what ifs?" What if I get lost on my way to the retreat? What if there is a better retreat out there, and I "waste" my time at this one only to discover later I should have gone to X retreat?
Since A.J. was born, I had been at war with time. I needed every minute that I was not taking care of Aidan to be "worth it." If I was not somehow entertained, enriched, or relaxed to the perfect degree, then it seemed like a "waste of time."
Well, months had past and I had let go of the intention to go to the retreat. I thought it was not meant to be. And made peace with that. Then about a week before the retreat, I learned that the hosts of the retreat were giving away 4 free passes to the workshop. I never win anything, so I thought little of entering the contest, other than, "If I was meant to go, I will win." And I did! And I freaked! And not in a jump for joy kind of way, but a "holy s#$(! What have I done?" I spent the entire week thinking of why I couldn't go. The flight was too expensive. I hated driving. I had to work until 6 p.m. on Friday and it's a 5 hour drive to Houston. I didn't want to leave Aidan. I didn't want to leave my family. And then my amazing husband volunteered to go with me and take our son to the Houston Space Center while I was at the retreat! And I still made excuses. I would feel guilty about making my 3 year old son sit in the car for 10 hours within two days just so that I could attend a non-essential retreat. What if he didn't sleep well at the hotel? What if he was unhappy the whole trip? What if he and Greg had a terrible time at the Space Center and Greg lost his cool with Aidan? Then I would bear the guilt of that too. What if the trip was "a waste of time"?
All these what-ifs swirled around in my head all week. But when Friday came, I decided I just needed to go. And we did. The trip down to Houston was fine. Aidan slept at the hotel fine, and loved riding the elevator up and down the next morning.
Greg and Aidan dropped me off at the retreat, and the what-ifs started popping up again? What if this retreat was a "waste of time"? I honestly had no idea why I was there. I knew I was a mess, but didn't know what I wanted to get out of the workshop. And then the workshop started and the first thing Karen Maizen Miller discussed
By this time, the early bird registration had run out. I tried another night. But nothing. My head would swim with all the "what ifs?" What if I get lost on my way to the retreat? What if there is a better retreat out there, and I "waste" my time at this one only to discover later I should have gone to X retreat?
Since A.J. was born, I had been at war with time. I needed every minute that I was not taking care of Aidan to be "worth it." If I was not somehow entertained, enriched, or relaxed to the perfect degree, then it seemed like a "waste of time."
Well, months had past and I had let go of the intention to go to the retreat. I thought it was not meant to be. And made peace with that. Then about a week before the retreat, I learned that the hosts of the retreat were giving away 4 free passes to the workshop. I never win anything, so I thought little of entering the contest, other than, "If I was meant to go, I will win." And I did! And I freaked! And not in a jump for joy kind of way, but a "holy s#$(! What have I done?" I spent the entire week thinking of why I couldn't go. The flight was too expensive. I hated driving. I had to work until 6 p.m. on Friday and it's a 5 hour drive to Houston. I didn't want to leave Aidan. I didn't want to leave my family. And then my amazing husband volunteered to go with me and take our son to the Houston Space Center while I was at the retreat! And I still made excuses. I would feel guilty about making my 3 year old son sit in the car for 10 hours within two days just so that I could attend a non-essential retreat. What if he didn't sleep well at the hotel? What if he was unhappy the whole trip? What if he and Greg had a terrible time at the Space Center and Greg lost his cool with Aidan? Then I would bear the guilt of that too. What if the trip was "a waste of time"?
All these what-ifs swirled around in my head all week. But when Friday came, I decided I just needed to go. And we did. The trip down to Houston was fine. Aidan slept at the hotel fine, and loved riding the elevator up and down the next morning.
Greg and Aidan dropped me off at the retreat, and the what-ifs started popping up again? What if this retreat was a "waste of time"? I honestly had no idea why I was there. I knew I was a mess, but didn't know what I wanted to get out of the workshop. And then the workshop started and the first thing Karen Maizen Miller discussed
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