What once was old is new again!

I imported all the posts from my old blog, "Blissful Mama's Kitchen" into my new blog!  So it's now all easily accessible in one spot!

Resistance is futile

I learned about Karen Maezen Miller's "Art of Mindfulness" workshop a few months ago, and immediately got excited about the opportunity to attend a workshop with her.  It was in Houston and it was only a day long.  I looked up flights on Southwest, and they were about $90 round trip!  Then I became a Facebook fan of Maezen's, and saw that she had a discount code to save $20 on the retreat.  It was certainly in the budget and would not take much time away from A.J.  All the odds were stacked in my favor.  So, I went to register one night after A.J. was tucked in bed.  But I couldn't hit the submit button.  I couldn't commit.  I tried it again the next night, and the next, and still couldn't commit.  Was it fear?  My general inability to make decisions of late?

By this time, the early bird registration had run out.  I tried another night.  But nothing.  My head would swim with all the "what ifs?"  What if I get lost on my way to the retreat?  What if there is a better retreat out there, and I "waste" my time at this one only to discover later I should have gone to X retreat?
Since A.J. was born, I had been at war with time.  I needed every minute that I was not taking care of Aidan to be "worth it."  If I was not somehow entertained, enriched, or relaxed to the perfect degree, then it seemed like a "waste of time."

Well, months had past and I had let go of the intention to go to the retreat.  I thought it was not meant to be.  And made peace with that.  Then about a week before the retreat, I learned that the hosts of the retreat were giving away 4 free passes to the workshop.  I never win anything, so I thought little of entering the contest, other than, "If I was meant to go, I will win."  And I did!  And I freaked!  And not in a jump for joy kind of way, but a "holy s#$(!  What have I done?"  I spent the entire week thinking of why I couldn't go. The flight was too expensive.  I hated driving.  I had to work until 6 p.m. on Friday and it's a 5 hour drive to Houston.  I didn't want to leave Aidan.  I didn't want to leave my family.  And then my amazing husband volunteered to go with me and take our son to the Houston Space Center while I was at the retreat!  And I still made excuses.  I would feel guilty about making my 3 year old son sit in the car for 10 hours within two days just so that I could attend a non-essential retreat.  What if he didn't sleep well at the hotel?  What if he was unhappy the whole trip?  What if he and Greg had a terrible time at the Space Center and Greg lost his cool with Aidan?  Then I would bear the guilt of that too.   What if the trip was "a waste of time"?

All these what-ifs swirled around in my head all week.  But when Friday came, I decided I just needed to go.  And we did.  The trip down to Houston was fine.  Aidan slept at the hotel fine, and loved riding the elevator up and down the next morning.

Greg and Aidan dropped me off at the retreat, and the what-ifs started popping up again?  What if this retreat was a "waste of time"?  I honestly had no idea why I was there.  I knew I was a mess, but didn't know what I wanted to get out of the workshop.  And then the workshop started and the first thing Karen Maizen Miller discussed

Suffering

(This is something I actually typed up several months ago, and just copied and pasted it here now.)

Let me just say it.  Being a mother sometimes sucks.  That sounds a bit harsh, I know.  However, unless I’m honest, I cannot move forward and get past this cold, hard fact.  Sometimes it sucks more than others.  Sometimes it doesn’t suck at all.  There are times when it’s the most heartbreakingly wonderful thing in the word.  It still amazes me how something so incredibly wonderful can be so incredibly awful. 

Anyway, my point is not to simply bash motherhood.  I was having a particularly rough morning with my 2 and a half year old.  We were running late, as was becoming the norm.  Aidan needed to get dressed, so that we could get to his preschool on time, and so that I could subsequently arrive at work within a close approximation of the time that I was supposed to be there.  And that’s when the negativism and the whining got to me.  I was trying to use whatever tricks I had to cajole my toddler into going “pee pee in the potty.”  Once that task was finished, I moved onto getting dressed. 

 After asking Aidan to stand up for the umpteenth time, I gave up and started putting on his pants.  That’s when the itty bitty shitty committee piped up and said, “What are you doing?  He should be putting his own pants on.  Make him do it!”  So, I tried that.  It didn’t go so well.  At one point, I put myself in time out and ended up crouched down in the kitchen crying.  

The sweetest moment occurred next.  Aidan came out of the bathroom, with his pants on, and said, “No mommy.  Don’t cry.”  I was too busy in the moment reacting to the fact that I couldn’t even control my “time out” to see the sweetness that was present.  Frustration, anger, and sadness were all deeply lodged in my chest and throat, and I couldn’t shake them.

This continued on for a bit, until we were in the car and driving along.  I dropped A.J. off at preschool and then went to my part time librarian job; a place where I could go to the bathroom alone and could tune out any potential whining from co-workers without feeling like a bad mother.  While I was there, I was researching something when I came across this quote:

“Through practice, I’ve come to see that the deepest source of my misery is not wanting things to be the way they are. Not wanting myself to be the way I am. Not wanting the world to be the way it is. Not wanting others to be the way they are. Whenever I’m suffering, I find this ‘war with reality’ to be at the heart of the problem.” Stephen Cope

And a light bulb went off in my head.  All the suffering from the morning, the tears, frustration, burning anger, and shame all were a result of wanting things to be a certain way.  A way that they were not.  I had waged war with reality, and Aidan was the collateral damage.

But the strangest part of this story is that I know all this. I’ve been practicing yoga for several years, and this idea was not new.  It is, in fact, one I have seen many, many times, in many, many ways.  So, why did I keep forgetting it in the moment?  

When my son was in the emergency room and then the ICU a few months before, there was no suffering!  I knew what my role was, as A.J.'s mom, and fulfilled that without a thought to anything else.

What do you do to remind yourself to stay in the moment?

New E-Course Through Little Acorn Learning!

I'm hoping to take this interesting new course offered through Little Acorn Learning!  Fingers crossed!

http://www.littleacornlearning.com/Anthroposophy101.html

Brown Sugar Lemon Body Scrub

As part of my part-time librarian job, I get to plan events for our Mom's Night Out program at the library.  My co-worker and I put together a night out that included a book discussion of The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake,  lemon cupcakes, and a brown sugar lemon body scrub that I came up with.  We had the participants put the scrub together (see photo below), and then place the scrub in baby food jars that I had been saving for a while.  (I did make some of A.J.'s baby food, but did supplement with Earth's Best jarred foods).    This is sooo ridiculously easy to make and fun to use, that I had to share the recipe.  The smell of this scrub is heavenly! 

Ingredients:

6 tablespoons of brown sugar

3 tablespoons almond oil (or oil of your choice)

8-12 drops of lemon essential oil

Stir all the ingredients together.  To use, rub the scrub on your skin in a circular motion and rinse in the shower.  Pat skin dry. 

Scrubs are excellent for exfoliating skin and improving circulation.  Lemon is a natural anti-bacterial and helps to remove toxins from the body.

Peanut Butter Granola "Sandwich"

I made this as a bedtime snack for A.J. the other night, after he refused to eat my Moroccan couscous.  They looked so delicious, I had to make one for myself and gobbled it up after A.J. was tucked into bed and I was parked in front of the season premier of Glee!

As you can see, my photography is horrible, so I swiped the picture from the Whole Foods website (where this recipe came from), just to show you how delicious this thing looks!

Looks delicious, doesn't it?  And it's super easy to make.  Here's what you do.

1. Core an apple.  (I sliced mine up first, and then cored it.  One large apple made two sandwiches. )
2. Take your favorite peanut butter (or other nut spread), and spread it on both slices of apple.  Try to use a natural or organic, peanut butter. The fewer ingredients the better. 
3.  Take your favorite granola.  I used some homemade granola, but store bought is great.  I love Udi's brand!  Sprinkle the granola over the peanut butter on each slice.
4.  Put the two slices together and enjoy!

The original recipe calls to add chocolate chips, but I think it's already sweet enough with the granola and apple.  There are tons of variations you could try out.  Add some cinnamon, different varieties of apple, or granola, etc. 

This is a great recipe to make with kids too.  If we hadn't been running late that night, I would have A.J. help me assemble the sandwich too.

Cauliflower Maranca

Now that my computer is back up and running, I can start to post about the many, many recipes that I've made in recent months that have been sitting in the pipeline.  I knew as soon as I made this recipe months ago from the classic Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen that I would have to post it.  I made it on a whim.  Some days when I'm planning my menu, I feel adventurous and want to branch out and fearlessly try new, but "weird" and unusal dishes in the hopes that I will find another dish to add to my vegetarian repertoire.  Sometimes they are instant success and others are downright duds.  I'd never heard of a maranca( and I'm still not quite sure what it is).  A quick Google search came up with no answers, but I had some millet I wanted to use up, and I wanted to expose A.J. to it again.  So, I gathered up the ingredients and made my first maranca.  I was pleasantly surprised by the results.  If you're not a fan of millet (it has a slightly crunchy texture that is unlike most grains) or if it's not available in your local store, you can substitute brown rice.  You can also make it vegan by omitting the cheese or using some vegan margarine and  Daiya vegan cheddar "cheese."

Cauliflower Maranca
Ingredients
oil for the pan
1 1/2 c raw millet
2 1/2 c water
1 Tbsp butter
2 c chopped onion
1 lb mushrooms, sliced
black pepper, to taste
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp dried basil
1 large head of cauliflower, cut into 1-inch pieces (or smaller)
3 garlic cloves, minced
2-3 Tbsp lemon juice
grated cheese, optional
paprika, for the top

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. Oil a 9x13 inch baking pan.

2. Place the millet and water in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, cover, and simmer until tender (15 to 20 minutes). Transfer to a large bowl and fluff with a fork to let steam escape.

3. Melt butter in a large skillet. Add onion, mushrooms, pepper, salt, and basil, and saute about 5 minutes - until the onions soften. Add cauliflower and garlic, and saute about 10 minutes more - until the cauliflower is tender. Add lemon juice.

4. Stir the sauteed veggies into the millet, along with the optional cheese, and mix well. Spread into the prepared pan, dust with paprika and bake for 25-30 minutes.

You can eat it as a side dish or serve with a salad!  Yum!